Social and emotional skills at different ages
When do kids gain social and emotional skills? Children start developing them as babies, and new skills emerge as they get older.
Not all kids develop at the same pace. But there are some milestones you can expect kids to meet around roughly the same age. See this list of social and emotional milestones at different ages.
Infants and babies
By 2 months
Cry to get needs met
Occasionally self-soothe by sucking on hands and fingers
Start to smile and look directly at you
By 4 months
Cry in different ways to show hunger, pain, or being tired
Smile in response to caregiver’s smile
Play with toys by shaking them
By 6 months
Are more aware of which people are familiar and which are strangers
Can respond to other people’s emotions by crying, smiling, or laughing
Enjoy looking at themselves in the mirror
By 9 months
Start to show stranger anxiety
May cry when familiar faces aren’t around
Start to prefer some toys over others
By 12 months
Play favorites with familiar people
Are more interactive (like handing over a toy or a book, or making a specific noise to get a caregiver’s attention)
Enjoy simple interactive games, like patty-cake and peekaboo
Toddlers and preschoolers
Ages 18 months–2 years
Have more temper tantrums and become more defiant as they try to communicate and be independent
Start simple pretend play, like imitating what adults or other kids are doing
Become interested in having other kids around, but are more likely to play alongside them (parallel play) than with them (cooperative play)
Ages 3–4 years
Start to show and verbalize a wider range of emotion
Are interested in pretend play, but may confuse real and “make believe”
Are spontaneously kind and caring
Start playing with other kids and separate from caregivers more easily
May still have tantrums because of changes in routine or not getting what they want
Grade-schoolers
Ages 5–6 years
Enjoy playing with other kids and are more conversational and independent
Test boundaries but are still eager to please and help out
Begin to understand what it means to feel embarrassed
Ages 7–8 years
Are more aware of others’ perceptions
May complain about friendships and other kids’ reactions
Want to behave well, but aren’t as attentive to directions
Try to express feelings with words, but may resort to aggression when upset
Ages 9–10 years
Share secrets and jokes with friends
May start to develop own identity by withdrawing from family activities and conversations
Are affectionate, silly, and curious, but can also be selfish, rude, and argumentative
Middle-schoolers and high-schoolers
Ages 11–15 years
Start thinking more logically
Are introspective and moody and need privacy
Value friends’ and others’ opinions more and more
May test out new ideas, clothing styles, and mannerisms while figuring out where/how to fit in
Ages 16–18 years
Strive to be independent and may start emotionally distancing from caregivers
Start trying to discover strengths and weaknesses, at times seeming self-centered, impulsive, or moody
Show pride in successes
Spend a lot of time with friends and may be interested in dating
Remember that all kids develop social and emotional skills differently. If kids don’t meet every milestone for their age right away, that’s OK.
If you’re concerned that a child isn’t hitting many of these milestones, keep track of what you’re seeing. Share your concerns with others who can help. Parents, caregivers, teachers, and health care providers can all play a role in helping kids build social and emotional skills.
Learn more about trouble with social skills.